I managed to totally offend someone in the office at my daughter’s elementary school. Dangit. Hopefully, after speaking to her today, she understands that I wasn’t in fact mad at her. I guess leaving a voice mail when I don’t feel very good isn’t smart. She seemed to think I was very upset with her, which makes no sense to me, considering the content of my message. But I left the message last night, so I was tired, and sick, and probably sounded less than happy.
The problem is, you never know with people. We had a fine conversation this afternoon, but she may still think I’m a total rag. I kind of got that impression. Apparently, she was a bit hysterical when she called Nate today to follow up on my message. Fortunately, I dropped in to talk to her before I found out about her conversation with Nate, otherwise I probably would have gone in defensive. As it was, I was all smiles, as usual, and that probably disarmed a bit.
Maybe I’ll send her a note. I absolutely hate contention and will do all in my power to diffuse it.
That reminds me of a funny story. I meant to blog about it, but never got around to it.
Nate and I went to the Bellevue Arts and Crafts Fair over the summer. It’s a large, crowded assembly of painters, glass artists, sculptors, and a variety of other “craft fair” type booths, a bit on the fancy end because after all, it is Bellevue.
Well, I had my camera. I took a few pictures. I didn’t realize this would be offensive, and when I was in the booth of a weaver (a fiber artist no less), she full on attacked me. She proceeded to tell me how incredibly rude I was, and how it was HER work, and I had no business taking pictures and how any of the other booth owners would feel the same way, and how I should at least have the decency to ask first.
Ok, fine. I hadn’t thought of that. I apologized sincerely, told her how beautiful her work was, that I had no intention of copying it, and I appreciated her bringing it to my attention. I continued to peruse her booth, and she literally followed me around and continued to tell me how incredibly rude I was. And again, how this was HER work. I continued to apologize.
I told her that I admired her use of color and that her work was beautiful and I was very sorry to have offended.
This didn’t stop her from verbally abusing me. I complimented her one more time, apologized a fourth time, and left. Nate, who had been outside of the booth, but had been listening, was fuming. I could sort of see her point, but she was out of line and took it way too far. Nate on the other hand, who is in the art industry and is very familiar with the legal and ethical uses of art, completely disagreed with her argument.
As we walked through the rest of the fair, if I saw something I particularly liked (and I was mainly looking at color combinations), I asked the booth owner if I could photograph it. Without exception, they were flattered and gave me permission.
I couldn’t help myself. I had to tell them why I was asking, although I was good and didn’t tell them who had behaved so badly.
One lady said that an Arts and Crafts fair was no place for a “Diva”. Good point. Others just couldn’t believe someone would act that way. I was amused, Nate continued to be annoyed with the mean lady, and here we are.
I hate contention. I never intentionally hurt or offend anyone. I would rather apologize, even when I’m not in the wrong, than maintain a feud with anybody. We’re grown ups, aren’t we? And it is my experience that more problems are caused by misunderstandings than actual malicious intent.
So, I will send a nice, apologetic note to the lady in the office, who really does seem like a soft hearted, sweet woman. She will hopefully not hold a grudge, (although I know she’s already talked to Abby’s teacher about the situation, but I don’t know how far the conversation went), and our happy little life will continue as ever.
Some of you will think I’m a big weenie. And that’s fine, too. As for me and my life, I’m happier without the bad feelings.
October 7th, 2005 at 9:14 am
I suspect the weaver was hyper-sensitive because of the number of people who go to craft shows now, armed with sketchpad and camera, to take home others’ ideas and concepts to reproduce and sell. I have a lot of friends who have been hurt by this…one friend who designs & makes dolls who actually saw her doll (for sale in a craft-y store) reproduced en masse by a Chinese manufacturer! (In that case, someone had come in to her booth at a fair several months earlier and bought one of each of her different dolls, apparently to send right off to China to be copied! No stopping that, I guess.) Anyhow, it’s a hot topic in the craft fair world.
I’m agree, though. There are polite ways to handle the situation.
October 7th, 2005 at 9:37 am
No kidding! The lady could have just said, “Sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable with people photographing my work. Please don’t do it.” and be done with it. I can’t believe she continued to harp on you about it – especially since you were a potential customer. Some people just don’t get the whole concept of customer service – I would be honored if someone wanted to take a picture of my work. Of course, I also would be upset if someone used the photo to make money elsewhere. I guess I prefer to be naive and believe people are generally good-natured and wouldn’t do a thing like that without asking me first.
October 7th, 2005 at 9:53 am
I agree that there are people out there who will take pictures for their own profit, and this woman had no way of knowing I wasn’t doing that. However, she is a weaver, and I was most certainly NOT taking detail shots. I think it would be impossible to copy a garment that had been hand woven, cut, and sewn into a top. Particularly from the distance I was taking the photo from.
Now, take some of the other booths I photographed with permission. An artist let me take a close picture of her painting. It was an abstract type painting with amazing color combinations. She was thrilled I appreciated her work. It was gorgeous. If I had skill with a paint brush, I could have gone home and made something at least CLOSE to it easier than I could copy a handwoven and sewn garment.
October 7th, 2005 at 9:57 am
Laura, I just love your blog. You sound like the sweetest, nicest person ever. I’m sure if you send a note and explain she will understand, and if Abby’s teacher knows you at all she should have set that woman straight. If not, well, some people are just grouchy at everybody.
October 7th, 2005 at 12:20 pm
You aren’t a weenie. I don’t like conflict either. I mean, if I were you and that woman would have kept badgering me after I had said sorry, I would have put her in her place. Simply bc she was asking for it when she didn’t drop it. I’m usually a drop it and forget it person on most things. So, if you don’t drop it, you are just asking for a argument….that I will win 😀 You are a very sweet and nice person, and anyone who knows you knows that and that’s all that matters.
October 7th, 2005 at 4:47 pm
I’m with you on the avoiding conflicts… Then maybe I’m a weenie too? 🙂 I hate it when people are upset with me for one reason or the other. But hey, life is nicer if people are good to each other, right? 😀
October 7th, 2005 at 9:28 pm
Wouldn’t it be nice if everybody just behaved in a nice manner?? I often wonder why they don’t or can’t. That weaver lady who followed you around to berate you was a verbal abuser. That is one of their patterns. Ugh! It is hard to get away from people like that. I have books on this nasty subject. I usually start feeling sick when there is any sort of bad feelings going on where ever I may be. My cat is the same….if she hears one of us raising our voices , even when I am talking loudly on the phone to my hard-of-hearing dad, she will meow repeatedly, and get right up in your face, as if to say “knock it off already!”.
October 8th, 2005 at 4:06 am
You and other commenters are not weanies, just nice people with proper expectations. This woman (even if she has a right to be upset initially) took things too far. She doesn’t have the right to verbally abuse someone. It seems the point was closed when you apologized and complimented her the first time. If she thought it wasn’t she needed to make it clear what specifically she wanted. If it wasn’t reasonable then she just neede to LET IT GO. Good lessons for us all the next time we are on either side of an arguement.
October 10th, 2005 at 12:18 pm
I had a similarthing happen to me. I was at the bus stop when a teen age boy was rapping very loud. Personaly I hate listening to it. So I took my groceries and moved a ways away. WEll, In his eyes I had alot of nerve. SO he proceeded to scream at me> YOu f-in white B if you had had a black man. You would not have a problem with it.
I just pretended I didnt hear him. Even though Across a busy street every one was looking. I just can`t get over how he screamed at the top of his lungs. And felt so justified. Frankly I`d rather have the fiber lady. Just had to share. Hang in there!
October 11th, 2005 at 3:46 pm
What can I say? There’s always people in this world who thinks by being obnxious, they are one up. I just usually let it slide; no point grieving over these people.
With the one-sided screaming, outsiders will know who the crazy one is.
October 16th, 2005 at 3:30 am
You’re so right, Emy. When I worked in customer service, I would get SO many customers cursing at me over their bills. My coworkers would get terribly upset and disconnect calls (which we were allowed to do after a warning if the customer didn’t stop). I just sat there and let them get it off their chest. The calmer I am, then the crazier they sound :-).