Thursday, March 9th, 2006
Well, I guess it was bound to happen
I actually got flamed on my own blog. I know it happens to many, and I’ve seen the rippling effect it causes. Well, I’m going to talk about it.
When I posted about wanting to find a home for my dog, a few of my personal friends thought that I should have included more details in the post. To be honest, I didn’t really want to get into it publicly, and since the decision is already wrenching my heart out, I didn’t want to spend a lot of time articulating the specifics.
I guess getting flamed has changed some of that. Plus, if one of you said it, more of you are thinking it, and while I don’t feel the need to necessarily defend myself, I would like to illustrate how attacking someone when you don’t know the whole story is both ineffective to the professed purpose, and really close-minded.
And, of course, the nasty comment was left anonymously. They usually are. And I don’t wonder. It’s embarrassing to be that rude.
Here is the comment, and then I will address it.
“I think it’s irresponsible when people get puppies, don’t think about the type of breed they are and whether that fits in their lifestyle (hello – young golden retrivers are hyper!), don’t train them properly or give them the activity they need, and then want to dump them when things aren’t going so well. When you adopt a pet, they are a responsibility you agreed to take care of – not an item you can dispose of when you don’t want it anymore.
And then you make a post today where you pride yourself on how you fix things up rather than throw them away. A little bit of the hypocrite.
Why don’t you train your dog and keep it??
I give you credit for looking for a good home for him becuase a lot of people get too busy to look and just dump them at shelters. But really you should have though a bit more about what you were getting into when you took him in. Please think before you get another pet.”
In the first place, we gave a tremendous amount of thought as to what breed to get. The reason I wanted a dog was to have a walking companion. I didn’t want a puppy. After the third rescue/shelter dog attacked my children, I decided that getting and raising a puppy was a necessary step to get a dog that would be safe around my family.
I went to a training clinic before deciding on a breed. I talked to multiple trainers and my veterinarian. I talked to people that had dogs and kids. I talked to complete strangers I met at parks that had their dogs and kids with them. According to popular opinion amongst most everyone, Golden Retrievers are THE family dog. They’re calm. They’re friendly. They’re good with kids. Right?
By the time we went to look for a puppy, I had read up on puppy testing, and performed the tests methodically on the puppies we saw.
We chose one, brought him home, and I fully expected, after all that I’d read, a very active dog for the first 2 years. At which point, they’re supposed to calm down. Abner is now 3 1/2.
We also had timing in mind, as I knew we would have more children, and I wanted the dog to be at least 2 before I had another baby.
So this was hardly an impulsive, thoughtless decision.
When Abner was old enough, I enrolled us both in an 8 week training course, which he passed with flying colors. We did our homework. My dog not only responds to voice commands, but also silent hand signals. We’ve taught him tricks. We enforce the obedience daily, and make him “work” for things. Like we’re supposed to.
He is a good dog. On command he will sit. He will sit/stay. He will lay down. He will down/stay. Indefinitely. But released from the stay he is unexplainably hyper, to the point of not being able to control himself. The training did not change this. Nor did a brisk, exercise walk of 2 miles a day. He can’t live in a down/stay.
In the spring, when he was 6 months old, we were in a car accident. I tore a disc, among other injuries, and spent the next 9+months going to 3 chiropractor appts and 2 massage appts per week. After that, the appointments began to gradually lessen, but I have been in active treatment for that accident for the past 3 years, including intensive physical therapy and steroid spinal injections. I had an 18 month old, a 4 year old, and a 5 year old at the time of the crash, who were each in treatment for the accident themselves, and needed to have childcare arranged for my massages.
Admittedly, this hindered my opportunity to adequately socialize my puppy with other dogs.
At times when I could, I would walk with Abner. As I stated earlier, it made no difference in his hyperactivity, unlike the previous shelter dog I had walked with, in whom it made a tremendous difference.
At 12 months, on one of our walks, he was attacked by an off-leash dog. I don’t have much to say on that topic other than it was tremendously unfortunate, and I didn’t have the ability to get him over it at that time in my life.
I don’t know how I was supposed to foresee the car accident and the limitations it would put on my ability to responsibly raise a dog. But I did the best I could.
We’ve tried expensive herbal supplements targeting his nervous system. We’ve taken him off of dog food and done the raw diet for several months. Nothing has had an effect.
Right now, as much as I love him and hate to see him go, I’m scared for the safety of my children and my new baby. The last time we had a puppy and a baby, it was a puppy and a baby. Now we have an 80+ pound spastic dog that steps on and knocks over anything smaller than himself. And the heartbreaking thing is, he’d never hurt them intentionally. But he can’t control himself, and I think that knowingly putting my children at risk is true irresponsibility.
I am sure there are some animal advocates out there that still think I’m a horrible person for being willing to part with a dog that I had taken in and given a home to.
To the rest, I want to say that reading a blog, even one as open and candid as mine, doesn’t mean you know the whole story.
I appreciate passion, and conviction. I appreciate strong opinions, and have many of my own.
I dearly love animals. I also love people.
I do not, and never have agreed with attacking people, name calling, or being mean. It is not constructive. If what is desired is to open a person’s eyes to their wrongs, putting them on the defensive by verbally abusing them is completely counter-productive.
There was someone else that was upset by my post. She simply asked me why, and gave me an opportunity to explain. We had a nice conversation through email, and I appreciated her for it.
My goal with this post is to hopefully encourage someone to think twice before forming judgments, condemning, or attacking someone for something they aren’t fully informed about.
I would suggest, when something needs to be said, to first do it privately in an email, as opposed to a public comment. Secondly, word it such that you aren’t ashamed to put your name on it. Finally, keep in mind that we all come from different circumstances, and most of us are trying to do what’s right, even if we need guidance from time to time.
